maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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