So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we made out on top of his cat.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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