yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
