where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
