I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
lets start a swedish sibling band together
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
