He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
