Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
