that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
