Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
