u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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