Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
