I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
