you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
