Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
