now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize