turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
