I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
