Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
