One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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