The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
