After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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