so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
