I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
