Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
