Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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