I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You don't make any sense
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