I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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