Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize