i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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