I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
