It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize