The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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