I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
