neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
