My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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