i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
