We won't sleep together?
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
