Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
