i don't like sucking hair
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize