her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
