One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
