Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
