I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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