lets start a swedish sibling band together
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
