I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
