I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
