i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
