come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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