I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize