I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
