I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
