thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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