i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
