I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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