remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
