He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
