I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
