I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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