Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
