Banned from zoo.
Again?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
