So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
