genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
