I'm going to jail i love you
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
