This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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