I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize