My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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