i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
