I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
