zippers are such a cool invention
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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