That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The power of my boobs compel you
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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