that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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