There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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