Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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