Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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