you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize