My sheets look like a crime scene.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
