I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
