he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
is wine microwaveable?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
