I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
