she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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