i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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