just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i believe in u and ur pee
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
