i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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