i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
