I wish they made helmets for livers.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
