Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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