I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
