we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
