My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So much Jack, so little girl.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
