You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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