just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
