Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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