i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
