note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
